HUGE can of worms.....

OK, so apparently my previous post about my issues with the Catholic church has really upset numerous people. I've received several emails in regards to my post....some emails supporting my views and many others explaining to me why I'm wrong. While I appreciate the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I REFUSE to accept or admit the fact that anything Terry or I did to become parents was wrong!!! I will NOT confess to any sin by seeking medical help to become a parent!!! Granted I've done many awful things in my life, and by no means am I without sin. But I in no way believe that seeking medical assistance is a sin!!!

One out of every six American couples will face difficulty getting pregnant, yet their cries go unheard. The desire for a child is all-consuming. The hurt is constant. The struggle is hard and the answers are unclear. What I do feel is clear.... is that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and understands our pain. Throughout scripture we see many couples who begged God for a child. Some pleas were granted and some were not. We have been blessed to have our prayers answered!!!

I refuse to apologize for my opinions and beliefs. By no means am I saying that I believe that my way is the only way. It is just what I personally believe. Someday I would like to be able to discuss the journey Terry & I went through with our children. I don't want to put them into a position to think or feel that their conception was sinful.

Just an after Christmas update....

Nothing really exciting to post... No doctors appointments lately, which actually has been kind of nice. We go back on January 16Th for our next check up.

The babies already received Christmas gifts this year. I know...Terry's Mom is a little obsessive about shopping. But they did get some really neat Disney things for their room. Terry and I went shopping over the weekend and got some really GREAT deals!! We went to Old Navy's after Christmas sale. I spent $47 and got almost $300 worth of maternity clothes. I finally broke down and had to buy some maternity pants. After spending a couple of weeks trying to cram my rear end into my regular clothes, I decided it was finally time. I also got several really nice maternity sweaters for Christmas. Other than that, our Christmas was rather uneventful....just the typical screaming of kids being overtired and super excited.

Just a quick update on my previous post..... I did sort of attend the mid-night service. Being that I can barely stay awake past 9:00pm, I wasn't quite sure how I would make it through a mid-night mass. I went at 11:30 for the children's service and then I bolted for several reasons.

1. I didn't think that my snoring would be appropriate during a church service.

2. See my previous post about my current issues with the Catholic Church

3. I'm fairly certain that the odor of the incense would definitely have made me vomit.

We did also make a quick stop by Babies 'r' Us just to check some things out. We have been a little leery of buying things for the babies yet, but if everything goes well with our next appointment we are going to start painting and decorating the nursery. We've narrowed down our selection for the cribs. Terry has chosen one and I have chosen another. Above are pictures, let us know which one you like best!! We need help deciding! (I'm not going to tell you who chose which crib. I don't want that to influence any ones choice) The top crib looks black in the picture but it is actually cherry. (I tried to post the pictures below this blog, but apparently I'm not smart enough to figure out how to do that????)

To go OR Not to go???

OK, I'm faced with a small dilemma today. But first, let me give you a little background about me. I'm sure that most of you already know this, but I was raised in a strong Catholic family. Every Saturday evening at 5:15 promptly, we would all pile into the car and head to church. Growing up I attended all the religion classes, made my first confession, communion, and confirmation. Even though, to this day, I feel that it is ridiculous to ask a 13 year old child to make a lifelong commitment to the church, I did it because that's what I was told to do. Church to me was always a requirement and a obligation, not a choice. At some point, all of my sisters have pulled the "bring home a bulletin" trick. If my parents couldn't attend mass on Saturday and we still chose to, we were told to "bring home the bulletin" as proof we actually went to church. One evening this did not fit into my Saturday night plans. My older sister Paula let me in on the trick. You have your friend or boyfriend that you are going to be hanging with that night drive you by the church. You run in real fast, grab the bulletin and take off. This way you have the bulletin, but no one really knows that you didn't stay for the whole service. This trick has been passed down to all my sisters. I'm fairly positive that at some point all of us have done this. (If any of my sisters are reading this, I'm sorry for ratting you out. But I have to think that Mom already knows about this. Some how she knows everything!!)

When I moved to Indiana, I really didn't know a lot of people. The church is where I met a lot of my friends. I volunteered as a youth minister, help organize bake sales, all that good stuff. I was hoping that by doing this I could meet new people. Keeping in mind that this was MANY years ago... but when my ex-husband and I starting trying to have kids and were unsuccessful I turned to my friend Molly, whom I had met at the local Catholic church. Molly shared with me that she felt stuck in the Catholic church because of her husband. They too were struggling with infertility, but her husband wouldn't seek professional help, because in the eyes of the Catholic church, pursuing other options is frowned upon. She explained to me that the Catholic church believes that children that are not conceived the old fashion way were technically not children of God. She shared with me that if we pursued fertility treatments that our children would not be allowed to be baptised into the Catholic faith. I verified this with the Deacon and he confirmed what she was saying. I always knew that the Catholic church felt weird but this particular day was when I decided 100% that Catholicism was definitely not for me!!!

I do believe that there is only one God, and that different Churches chose to interpret and worship the bible in different ways. Since leaving the Catholic church I have found a new religious home and have met so many amazing woman through the church and my weekly bible study.

Ok, so that was a long story to get to my point..... I know that by now you are asking yourself.... What's the dilemma? A good friend of mines daughter is an angel at the midnight mass service this evening. They have asked me to join them. I have mixed feelings. If the Catholic church does not accept me, my husband and my babies, what's the point? But also, at the same time I don't want to hurt a 5 year old little girl. Am I just being selfish?? Probably, but I have really strong feelings about this!!

Quick Dr's Appointment update....

Had another appointment today. I feel like I live at doctor's offices. We met our high risk guy who will be delivering our babies. I have to say, that I really like this guy. My appointment was at 11:00 and we didn't leave until almost 1:30. I had 100 (no exaggeration) questions and he sat patiently with me and answered every single one. We had another ultrasound today(#4 or maybe this is #5, I'm losing count already). The babies look good and were really active. I think we may have a couple gymnasts on our hands. One of the babies kept doing flips. The other one looked like it was scratching its head.
Obviously, the third baby is still there but doesn't do anything. It will no longer continue to grow nor will it take any nutrients from the other two. The doctor assures me that it will have no affect on the health of the other babies. It will remain the same size & shape that it is now.
Yes, we are still having triplets, but we only will be bringing two home from the hospital (God willing). I actually will give birth to three babies. For some reason, when people say "well, it's twins now" that really bothers me. In our hearts, We always will be parents to triplets. Our baby 'Hope' just decided to make her way to heaven without gracing us with her presence first.

Funny Cartoon....

I just thought I would share. This has been the only thing that has come even remotely close to making me smile today.

Just remember....God has a plan for you!! Right??

Here's the low down.... We had another ultrasound this morning. This one was with a maternal fetal medicine specialist. Basically, they just have more high tech equipment.

Baby A..... She (at least that's my opinion) was being very camera shy. She was rolling around and kept turning away from the camera. As you can tell from the picture, she didn't want any part of this. I'm guessing she is just like me and doesn't enjoy having to get up so early for doctors appointments. She has a strong heart beat and according to the doctor looks very healthy.

Baby B..... He (again, this is only my opinion) was all about being in the spotlight. You can somewhat see it in the picture, but he was waving at us. It was super cute!! He also was moving around like crazy. Baby B also has a strong heart beat and is healthy.

Baby C.... This is the bad part. Baby C no longer has a heart beat and has made her way to heaven. We have no idea what happened or what caused this.... but I again just have to keep telling myself that ultimately only God knows the plan for our family. I'm trying so hard not to question my faith right now but it's so incredibly hard.