Monday, December 21, 2009

The ramblings of my brain....

So for those of you who haven't received our Christmas card yet, hold on to your seat!  We haven't forgotten about you, I'm just waiting on some pictures to arrive so that I can mail them out.  We had major issues getting our cards this year!  I was so excited to do our first family card and the dip shits at JC Penney's kind of put a damper on my excitement.  As you may know we had our family portraits taken the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  I couldn't decide on what pictures to buy so I bought a CD with all the pictures and the legal rights to the pictures.  Everything was set for me to pick up our CD the following Sunday.  I was super excited to go home and pick out the best pictures and design our card!  I get home and there are only 4 pictures on my CD???  HMM?  So I call Penney's and they assure me that they will fix the problem.  I return to the store the following week and they attempt to give me printed pictures of an African American family.  Yah, those pictures were not my family!  They promise they will get it right this time!  I return a few days later to an attempt to give me printed pictures of an hispanic family.  REALLY??  Is someone playing a trick on me??  I had to laugh but I'm also pretty pissed off at this point!  I got really hot headed after finding out that I wouldn't be able to have some photo gifts made in time for Christmas without having to pay an extra $45 for express processing and shipping.  I proceeded to contact the district manager of the portrait studio.  After 5 trips to pick up my CD, they finally got it right.  So now I'm just waiting on extra copies of pictures to include with some of our cards.  Rest assured, we haven't forgotten about you and you will get it soon!  I will post pictures of our first official family Christmas card, once i'm sure that they have been received by all!!

I'm finally starting to get excited about Christmas.  As I mentioned before I was super excited to do our card, and had that ruined.  I've been feeling like Christmas this year is more of a financial burden than it's ever been and I've just generally been feeling down about the holidays.  Why you may ask?  I have no explanation other than my own selfishness getting the best of me!!  I have everything in the world to be thankful for this year and after a reality check this morning I can't wait for my girls to attempt to open their gifts.  They are obsessed with tearing magazines and pages in books, so I'm thinking wrapping paper might be right up their alley?  Either way, I'm finally starting to jump on the holiday bandwagon and couldn't be happier!!

Saturday morning I received an email from my friend Jody, a fellow preemie mommy of two.  This brought happy tears to my eyes so I thought I would share.  Those of you who haven't walked through our journey may not appreciate or understand it, but I thought I would share for those of you who know what we've been through.  Enjoy!!
(Adapted from Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.  As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.  "Beth Armstrong, give her a son.  Give her Patron Saint, Matthew". "Marjorie Forrest, give her a daughter, and Patron Saint, Celia".  "Carrie Rutledge, give her twins and Patron Saint.....Give her Gerard, he's used to profanity".  Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles...."Give her a preemie". 

The angel is curious.  "Why this one, God?  She's so happy".  "Exactly", smiles God.  "Could, I give a premature baby to a mother who knows no laughter?  That would be cruel".

"But does she have the patience"?  asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.  Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.  I watched her today.  She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.  You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.  She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy".

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you", said the Angel.

God smiles.  "No matter, I can fix that.  This one is perfect.  She has just the right amount of selfishness".

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?!  Is that a virtue?"

God nods.  "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.  Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.  She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.  She will never take for granted a spoken word.  She will never consider a step ordinary.  When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.  I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them.  She will never be alone.  I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side".

"And what about her Patron Saint" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles and replies, "A mirror will suffice".

1 comment:

Robin said...

That poem made me teary eyed..! Thanks for sharing (i'm not even a mom of a preemie!!)

I hate dealing with photo studio nonsense. I always felt like it was the biggest rip off too. Now I do the "mommy photo studio" (mainly because Alli is squirmy and I know how to wrangle her) but also becuase I have a good camera now and think mine are almost as good as the studio ones.

Hope the cards turn out okay! Merry Christmas!