As the weekend approaches I'm beginning to get that huge knot in my stomach again. That same knot that I used to get every Sunday evening before Addison would have her weekly Monday brain scans. That same knot that I would get before every MRI, every x-ray, pretty much basically every test my girls ever had.
Before every test, I would find myself bargaining with God. I would have conversations with HIM, pleading for HIM to protect my girls. I would tell HIM that I would do anything HE wanted if HE would just let them be ok. Instead of just having faith that HE knew what was best for our family, and trusting that HE would protect us, I tried to bargain with HIM.
My bargaining didn't work most days, but it brought me to my knees on more than one occasion. It has made me realize that I need to just "Let go and Let God".....A much easier said than done concept for me. So, once again today, I'm reminded a scripture I've quoted numerous times before, Jeremiah 29:11. There is something about this gentle reminder that allows me to take a deep breath and know that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.
You probably are wondering what I'm getting at here.....
Tuesday morning, bright and early, Alexis will see the pediatric opthamologist again. Alexis had/has ROP (retinopathy of prematurity). Basically ROP is abnormal blood vessel development of the retina. Alexis' ROP was caused mainly by being born prematurely, but also because of the high amounts of oxygen they had to used to "jump start" her when she was born.
Yes, Alexis can see, and we are very grateful for that. I know this to be true because that girl can spot a cheerio from across the room. She has issues from time to time where her eyes will cross or where one eye will turn outward. When she gets really tired you can see that her eyes start to bother her. At her last appointment the doctor discussed with us the possibility of prescribing her glasses to see if that would correct the problem. Her eye muscles are weak and generally underdeveloped. All normal issues of a premature baby with ROP. The doctor did also indicate that if glasses do not correct the problem she may have to have surgery to stop the abnormal blood vessels from growing. At her last appointment he wasn't ready to make a decision regarding her treatment. He wanted to give her a few more months to mature. Tuesday's appointment will determine our plan of action.
I think it will literally break my heart if my little peanut has to wear glasses. We will do whatever is in her best interest but I hope she doesn't have to. I'm not sure if I will be strong enough to accept it if the doctor says that she needs to have surgery. For now, I'm just trying to breath and I am praying for the best. No, this isn't a life or death issue, but I can't help but think that my little girl has already been through enough in her short little life.
I ask all of you to join me in praying that Alexis' eye issues have all resolved on their own and that she doesn't have to have surgery. I firmly believe that we are where we are today because of the millions of answered prayers that we have had for our family. We can not thank each and every one of you enough.