Random...

I'm going to apologize in advance if this posting is a little all over the place.  I have some thoughts in my head that I want to document.  I also just need to get them out, as means of therapy for myself.

I have spent the last several weeks doing a lot of worrying.  I've been stressing over things beyond my control and things that I can not change.

Many of you know that over the past several years our family income went from being over $120k+ to slightly less than half of that.  I feel fortunate to have a good job, while so many are out of work.  Even still, we still struggle to manage with all the bills each month.  The price of everything has gone up while my paycheck doesn't change.  I'm working a full-time job and two part time (work from home) jobs on the side to help make ends meet.  We still have well over $12k in outstanding medical bills from the girls NICU stay. (Keep in mind those original balances were well over $50k) Thus, adding to my stress level.

Also, Addison has recently started to develop some early mild signs of autism.  As any good parent would, you worry about your child, their future and how these things will affect them.  I will share more late once we have these concerns professionally assessed but I've spent a lot of time and have lost a lot of sleep trying to figure out how to deal with these issues.  I only want the best for my baby girl! 

I was sharing some of my dilemmas with a friend the other evening.  Sometimes you just need someone to bring you back down to earth and put things into perspective.  After talking with her I realized I was in need of a serious attitude adjustment.

• “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it.  Matthew 6:25-27

Her words were just the smack in the face to realize how fortunate I really am.  Not that I take one second of my children's life's for granted.....but sometimes it's just so easy to get off track!  It's definitely easier to have a crappy attitude than to choose to look at the positive in everything and everyone.

I've quickly realized that there are some people who come into your life for specific reasons, and there are definitely people you chose to avoid for obvious reasons.  No, I will never get over my girls being born prematurely!!!  That is not something you just "get over".  It becomes who you are and will always be a part of your life.  And shame on you to the person/people who have told me I need to "get over it".  You know who you are and yes this is directed at you.  I will not let you get me down and I will not spend one more second of my life worrying about you. 

I choose to live my life with each day to the fullest.  I am very fortunate to have two beautiful, healthy girls.  I'm very fortunate to have a huge support system that will pick me up when I fall.  I've spent too much time worrying and not enough time realizing how great my life really is.

Thank you to my girlfriend for making me wake up and see the light.  Thank you to all of those who continue to support us unconditionally.  Thank you to the teachers who guide my children and treat them like they are their own.  Thank you to my sister in law who keeps my children clothed.  I could continue on and on thanking numerous people for all their blessings on our lives.


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....It's about learning to dance in the rain!!  I'm a pretty crappy dancer, and I've had some pretty heavy thunderstorms lately.... but I've got two little ladies who make me look good.  They smile and laugh when Mommy dances and that is all that matters!!!