Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Why I Blog.

When I first created my blog back in October of 2008, I started it with the intentions that no one would ever read it but me. It was MY own personal journal of how our beautiful daughters came to be and our struggles through infertility. I love to write, but I'm not much with a pen and paper. Getting my feelings and frustrations out as we hoped and prayed for a child became therapeutic to me. There was just something about expressing my feelings in words that helped me to accept the hand that God had dealt us.

When we found out that we were pregnant with triplets, my blog took a turn. It became dedicated to keeping our families and friends all across the United States abreast of the current news with our babies. We needed the love and support of everyone to get us through what we knew would be a difficult pregnancy.

And when my water broke on Easter morning, my blog again took on a whole different life of it's own. Our two precious babies were about to be born and we were told that they didn't stand a chance. I'll never forget my doctor looking into my eyes and telling me that "All we can do now is pray". At that point my blog turned into a prayer chain. We kept it up to date, so that everyone we knew and hundreds of people that we didn't, would pray for our girls that we had spent so much time hoping and praying for. Prayers were our only hope. At that point it was all in God's hands.

Never in a million years did I expect that my blog would receive almost 2,500 hits in four months. Since I've added trackers (my ladybug tracker doesn't work & I can't figure out how to delete her?), I can see the locations of my readers and most of their identities. This continues to amaze me and NEVER once have I taken for granted each and every reader who I know has said a prayer for us or has been supporting our family in one way or another.

God answered our prayers giving us the two most beautiful daughters that any parent could ask for. I continue to maintain our blog as a way of journaling our process as the parents of Addison and Alexis. While I would like to be one of those mom's who stays at home and has a ton of time to scrapbook and create memory books for their children, that's just not me. For one, I am not creative enough to scrapbook and number two, I just don't have the time. On a monthly basis I print out two copies of all my blog entries for the month and place them in two separate binders. Someday my daughters will be able to read back through the journey of how they came to be and all of the wonderful comments of support left by our family and friends.

Every breath is precious, because you never know when it is going to be your last. Over the last few years, I've watched a close friend lose her husband after only 5 weeks of marriage. I've struggled to watch my own children fight for every breath of air, while a machine created their breaths for them. I've become close with other NICU moms who have gone through the same freakishly scary journey that we have. I've learned not to take one second, one person, or one thing for granted. I am eternally grateful for EVERYONE who has EVER done ANYTHING to help us get to where we are today. Without our family and friends we couldn't have survived the last year and my daughters would not have the best of everything. While I'm not the best at showing gratitude, please know that NOTHING has EVER gone unnoticed or unappreciated!!

With all this being said it has been brought to my attention that my blog is causing several people hard feelings. The minute I walked in the door yesterday from work, It was demanded to me by my husband that I delete my blog immediately. I don't feel that this is an option for me and I WILL continue to blog. I write my blog for myself and my children, no one else. Terry will not reveal to me who my blog is indirectly bothering other than it is numerous people (like more than 10 people). I'm not sure if I feel hurt or angry about this? Probably a little of both. I do my best to live my life as a good person. I try to give 110% into being a good Mom and a good wife. I never intentionally would hurt anyone! This is why I think I'm so badly hurt by this. I obviously can't change the past, but I can do something about the future. But without knowing what the exact issues are I can't fix the problem. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how I could have offended more than 10 people with my blog??

If you happen to be one of the people who I've offended with something I've posted on my blog I would like to invite you to please bring this to my attention. Please email me at cardinalsfan0718@netzero.com or call my cell phone if you have the number. If you have an issue with me I ask that you take it up with me directly rather than indirectly through a third or fourth party.


Miss Tori said...

Just like with TV, if you don't like what you're reading, quit reading! No one is forcing you to read or watch or do anything.

I'm sorry you're getting this flack. It's crap.

I enjoy reading your updates, and I'm not even a mom! Still stuck in the trenches of IF.

Don't let "them" ruin for you what obviously brings you so much pleasure. "They" don't matter.

Christina said...

I mainly lurk but I wanted to say sorry that people are acting this way towards your blog. I can't imagine what could be 'offensive'.

Lisa said...

I have the same problem with my blog (though I understand it more since I write controversial things from time to time). I don't understand why people keep reading something that offends them. It's their problem. Not yours. I love your blog and I can't think of anything that has been offensive. Keep blogging. I would be sad to see your blog go.

Jody said...

So since Terry is the only one that knows who is complaining, it must be his family. How sad is it that they can't actually talk to you about their feelings and instead have to vent to Terry about your blog. Also it's a blog. Not every name, thought, or story can fit in it. Honestly with everything going on in the world people need to grow up and get over themselves aren't we all a little old for this behavior.

Jennifer said...

Janet -

You keep doing what's right for you. If you get support and enouragement and the satisfaction of documenting your memories for yourself and your girls, then you keep on doing it.