Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Infertility SUCKS!!!

I was recently notified that one of my cousins, We will call her "X", recently had a miscarriage.  The person who told me thought that I might be able to help her since I've unfortunately been in her shoes on more than one occasion.  My first instinct was to get her phone number and call her up right away.  I would express my sympathy and tell her how I know all too well what she is going through.  I had to step back for a second and remember what those first few days were like for me.  I didn't want to talk to ANYONE!  I had all types of people calling me telling me how sorry they were.  While I appreciated everyone's concern, I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I was too busy feeling guilty and trying to figure out what I had done to cause this.  I wanted to be alone and when I did want to be around people, in my husband's arms was the only place I wanted to be. 

In my opinion, struggling through infertility is one of the most difficult things that a person can go through.  There really are no answers.  It's not a sickness, but yet it is, because there really is no cure.  Even if you eventually are able to have children, dealing with infertility will always be a part of your life.  You are never really cured.

I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine (I'm sure I will get a phone call after she reads this).  She is pregnant with her third child and just found out that she is having her third girl.  She was crying, upset because it wasn't a boy.  My first instinct was to smack her because I know so many people who would love just to be pregnant.  No, I didn't smack her but I reminded her how lucky she is to be carrying a healthy baby girl.  She didn't struggle to get pregnant.  Her pregnancies are always easy and uncomplicated.  I felt bad afterwards for putting her in her place but for some reason it really bothered me that she was complaining when things always come so easily to her.  We talked later and she thanked me for reminding her that God chose her to be the mother of two, and soon to be three beautiful and healthy baby girls.  Whew!  I was relieved that I didn't make her mad but I knew in the back of my head that Terry and I secretly wished for a boy and a girl when we found out we were having multiples.  We too, had hoped for a certain gender.  Why was I criticizing her for being upset about another girl?  I think ultimately I was just upset that she wasn't seeing her unborn child as a blessing from God regardless of her gender.  But seriously, who am I to judge??

My heart feels heavy for "X" and her husband right now.  I know the terribly grief they are feeling.  I know the questions they are asking themselves.  Why did this happen to us?  What did I do to cause this?  How can I prevent this from happening again?  If they are like me, I felt constantly surrounded by new babies and pregnant women reminding me what I couldn't have, reminding me what I had longed for my entire married life.  I know now that the only thing that I can do for "X" is to pray for her healing and for her pain to lessen.  Please join me in saying a quick prayer for "X" and her husband as they continue through this difficult chapter in their life.

A difficult chapter in my life is exactly how I would describe our path through infertility.  I know now that God knew (and always knows) what was best for us at the time.  HE knew that we weren't ready to be parents.  HE knew when the time was right.  HE was trying to teach us patience that HE knew we would utilize on a daily basis when raising multiples.  Ultimately, traveling the path that we have to get our little girls has made us better parents.  Not that I would wish the struggle of infertility on any couple, but I know now that our road made us stronger.  It has strengthened our marriage.  It has taught us patience and has ultimately made us the people we are today.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to write this blog today, but something told me to do so???  I again ask you to say a quick prayer for "X" and all those who are traveling the path through infertility right now.  It's a bumpy road that no one should have to travel.


Anonymous said...

Hey I understand the soap box too! I think that way a lot! I have found after loosing 3 with one we had to bury one blessing that we learn that life is short. I feel sometime God gave us this life to help out others! You have the right to remind people that not everyone can me a mommy!


Misty Dawn said...

I think you handled it well. All my friends know about my IF struggles and wouldn't dare complain to me about their PG and if they did they know they would get smacked. LOL Dealing with m/c really sucks, I wanted to give up after my 6th and my emotions were everywhere. Something just told me to try again. Its prob best not to call X immediately, my first couple were def the hardest.