What aspect of parenting multiples have you found to be the most difficult as it pertains to maintaining a relationship?
How do you maintain a healthy marriage/relationship?
If you were to give one piece of advice to a couple who just found out they were pregnant with multiples on how to stay happy together, what would it be?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Question of the week....
As an avid reader of the Multiples...and More! blog I don't usually partake in their surveys or questions of the week. But as my husband and I are about to embark on our fourth year of marriage and our eighth year together I felt compelled to participate this week.
This week's questions.......
Do you think parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced? Why or why not?
I totally can understand why statistics show that parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced. Being a parent is hard work! But sharing my role as a parent with my best friend is what gets us through the day. Keeping a sense of humor is sometimes all we have. Being able to laugh at ourselves and reflect back on our journey thus far helps us adjust to rolling with the punches of everyday life.
In my opinion the most difficult part of parenting multiples is maintaining our own identities. Having young multiples doesn't leave much down time or a lot of time for other social commitments. I can tell that there are many times where Terry misses being able to just pick up and go play poker with the guys. And there are many days where I miss being able to go get a mani/pedi with the girls at the drop of the hat. With multiples there isn't a lot of "ME" time. Accepting this was hard for both of us at first. We both try to step away every once in awhile to refresh. Terry and I are both getting very good at recognizing when the other needs a break.
I'm not going to lie....the first probably nine months were very difficult on our marriage. There were times where we both yelled and snapped at the other. I warmed the bottles and got one just a little too hot or Terry didn't put the diaper on right and now I have poop all over my hands. All things that looking back now we can laugh at. I think what makes our relationship work well with our little ones is that we both know our responsibilities and share them equally. We both prayed for a family for so long, that we just want to enjoy our family and be thankful for the gift God has given us. I feel that keeping a sense of humor is important. Being able to laugh at my mistakes and move on is huge. I also feel that spending quality time together EVERY DAY is very important! Even if it's only ten minutes every day, we make it a point to do something together, just the two of us at least once a day. A marriage isn't always easy but we know that we love each other and will do whatever it takes to make it work.
This one is difficult. Just one piece of advice....hmmm? It's hard to pick just one so I think I'm going to do two. First, I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with triplets. A fellow mom of trips warned me that "it's going to be hard". She told me that it's going to suck sometimes and sometimes you are going to want to kill each other. She told me to always remember to hug and kiss your husband even when you want to choke him because now that you are parents you will be forever tied together whether you like it or not. There were many nights, or should I say two a.m. mornings, where we were both exhausted and irritated with each other. But we managed to squeeze out a quick I love you and a kiss. Never go to bed mad! Even if you are going to bed at 2:00a.m. Make the last thing you say to each other something nice. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!!!
And piece of advice #2. Take one last trip together just the two of you!!! This is something we didn't do and I really regret it! Even if it's a small road trip across town, do something to get away. It will never be just the two of you ever again. So have that one last hoorah because it will be several years before you feel comfortable leaving the kiddos alone!
I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones who has a very hands on husband. My girls are very lucky to have such a great father. And I'm very lucky to have such an amazing hubby. As we are about to celebrate our 4th anniversary in a little over a week, I can't think of anyone else I rather go through this journey with! Love you Babe!!