Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving Post!!

So, I just realized that this long blog post that I typed out on Thanksgiving never actually "posted"? Hmmm? I guess it helps if you actually hit the "publish" button to post an entry right? I guess it's better late than never.

On this Thanksgiving eve, I reflect back on our year and can't help but shed a few tears for everything that I am eternally grateful for this year. Our year has had its share of ups and downs and more than our fair share of tears and heartache but it isn't without much to be thankful for. Where do I begin? These are in no particular order.

I am so thankful for the doctors and nurses at St. Vincent Women's Hospital in Indianapolis for their care for myself and my daughters. Without them, I wouldn't be here today nor would my precious baby girls. I feel an enormous amount of indebtedness to all of our amazing doctors and nurses. Especially, Lisa & Liz. They will forever hold a special place in my heart!

I am so thankful for the fact that the doctors at the hospital were wrong! While the first few days of the girls lives have become a blur to me, I can't help but remember the day that Dr. DeSanto came into my hospital room and told me that it was imperative that we have a "sit down meeting" with both parents as soon as possible. Terry had gone home to shower and sleep a little. When he got back to the hospital was when the doctor told us about Addison's massive brain hemorrhage and that they didn't think she was going to live. While I don't ever remember hearing those actually words..."your daughter will probably not survive", I'm reminded on a daily basis how fortunate we are to have her with us today. Yes, we have no clue what the future holds for our Miss Addison but I'm thankful for everyday that she looks at me with those huge blue eyes and smiles at me!

I'm so thankful for family, our parents, and especially my Mom. My Mom showed up unexpectedly from St. Louis shortly after the girls were born. I wouldn't have made it through those first few weeks without her. Not only did she teach me how to walk when I was a child but she was the one who forced me to get out of my hospital bed and put one foot in front of the other when I didn't think I had anything left to give. She taught me how to walk again when I literally didn't feel like I could. My world was falling apart around me and she picked me back up and made me realize that I'm a stronger woman than I ever thought I could be.

My amazing husband....How do I even begin to describe how thankful I am for Terry? Words cannot even begin to describe this. Terry puts up with me even when I know I'm the biggest witch in the world. He loves me unconditionally with no questions asked. He put up with me for ten weeks of bed rest and never once complained. He waited on me hand and foot and never even gave it a second thought. He is an AMAZING father!!! My girls are very blessed to have a great Daddy and I'm so thankful to have an incredible husband! While I'm not going to lie, the last several months have been very trying on our relationship; but I can't imagine anyone else that I would rather have walked through this journey with!!

I'm thankful for my four incredible children.....Addison, Alexis, Our two angel babies; one from a previous miscarriage and our Angel Triplet, baby girl Hope. Every morning when I look into my girls eyes and sing them our "Good Morning" song that I made up, it absolutely melts my heart. The smiles on their faces and the giggle that I get makes every step that we took to get here 100% worth it. Granted, if I had a magic wand and could have changed things I would have, but every ounce of pain that we went through to get these girls disappears when I hear them laugh or see them smile. Addison and Alexis, you make me a better person. Your laughter and personalities continue to amaze me. Every day with you two in my life I am eternally Thankful! I'm thankful for our two Angel babies who I know are in Heaven protecting their sisters, without them I'm not sure we would be where we are today.

I'm thankful for my support system. No one knows what it is like to lose a child(ren) unless you have been through it. NO ONE KNOWS what it is like to spend three months of your life living in the NICU unless you have been through it!!! No one knows what it is like to deal with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) unless you have been through it. For those of you who have walked this journey with me I am thankful!
Jody, for being my twin sister from another mother (Jody and I met on a webmd.com pregnancy message board)....for all the emails, phone calls, and general support I am thankful. I'm not sure what I would do without you some days. It amazes me how two people who have never physically met in person can have so much in common and have such a connection.
Sherri, oh sweet Sherri. My girls have one of the best adopted Aunts ever!! Your continued support through even the simplest of text messages means the worlds to me. God must have known what he was doing when he brought us together.
All my friends over at CLIMB (Center for Loss in Multiple Births). I don't know how to even explain how thankful I am for all of you. You make me understand that grieving is ok, even for a child(ren) that I never got to physically hold in my arms. You've helped me understand that dealing with PTSD is not my fault. You've helped me learn that I'm not crazy and that every parent who travels the NICU journey deals with PTSD in some form or another. For all of you, I'm thankful!!!
Trina, Courtney & Lauren, our next door neighbors.... Without them our first few nights at home would have been a disaster. Trina has saved us on numerous recent occasions when we just need a third pair of hands. I have no idea how we would have survived without them! I am thankful that you three are our neighbors!!!
And to everyone else, our family and friends who have supported us along the way I am thankful. It would be impossible to list everyone by name. Everyone who has said a prayer, read my blog, left comments of support on my blog, and everyone who has generally been pulling for our family since day one, I am thankful!!!

And finally, I am thankful for Our Heavenly Father who has allowed us to come so far in the last year. Without him choosing us to be parents of Addison and Alexis none of this would have been possible.....

1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 13:15
Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to His name.

Psalm 100
Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord He is God: it is He that has made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. FOR THE LORD IS GOOD; HIS MERCY IS EVERLASTING; AND HIS TRUTH ENDURETH TO A GENERATIONS.


Robin said...


Sweet post!

Jody McMillan said...

Okay, I'm crying now. God must have known that we would need each other down the road when we first met at webmd. I don't know what I would do without you and your continued support in our crazy journey. Love ya, Jody

QuatroMama said...

I couldn't get through this post without fighting back tears.

I felt like I could relate on some of the things you touched on, but have no idea the loss you must feel by losing two precious lives.

Your girls are truly miracles, and beautiful miracles at that!

We too feel an enormous amount of gratitude for St. Vincent's NICU and will continue to support them in the years to come.

God Is Faithful!

Thank you for sharing this...